Welcome to this ‘Mediation Quick Tips’ Newsletter Issue 15
Safe Challenging Questions – T.F.T. & Reflecting
It has been some time since I last sent you a #MediationQuickTips Newsletter and for this I do apologise. I have been concentrating on writing the 2nd Edition of ‘The Mediator’s Toolkit: Formulating and Asking Questions for Successful Outcomes’ and it will be published on 10th June 2025 and can be pre-ordered on amazon.com or waterstones.com or other well known sites.
This article, along with the following shorter ones, will provide you with brief and straightforward #MediationQuickTips on the mediation framework, approach, process, skills and language necessary to ask difficult questions in a gentle, yet purposeful, manner. I will continue to write about these tips, in bite-size pieces, in future newsletters.
In this series of #MediationQuickTips, I’ll be guiding you through the essential elements of asking challenging mediation questions, in a safe way. This newsletter and the upcoming editions will give you practical, straightforward tips on the framework, approach, process, and skills needed to ask tough questions — while maintaining a gentle yet purposeful tone.
Stay tuned for future newsletters, where I’ll continue to share bite-sized, actionable tips that will empower you to mediate with clarity and compassion.
NOTE!
The 2nd Edition of ‘The Mediator’s Toolkit: Formulating and Asking Questions for Successful Outcomes’, published 10th June 2025 can be ordered on amazon.com or waterstones.com or on amazon.co.uk and other well known websites.
Next O’Sullivan Solutions online advanced mediation courses:
October 9, 10, 16, 17 – 2025
February 5, 6, 12, 13 – 2026
Time Schedule for all advanced mediation courses:
Irish Standard Time: / GMT: 1.30pm -5.30pm
Four half days – Live zoom course
advanced level mediator training
1. Thought-Flow-Tracking
Note:
I have already written a full article of Thought-Flow-Tracking in Newsletter Issue 9. Please refer to this for more comprehensive information.
While our ‘go to‘ questions are all excellent questions, there are times when we need to ask questions that facilitate a party to think about what they are thinking about, and not about what I, as a mediator am thinking. Otherwise, we will deflect them from their Thought-Flow-Track and they will not reach conclusive thinking.
The best questions come from the best listening and the best listening happens when we support a mediation participant to develop and talk through their thoughts, with a little inobtrusive and gentle nudging from us to support them to stay on track.
This can be facilitated by us through using Thought-Flow-Tracking and then asking questions based on their thinking, not on our thinking.
So I am bringing you right back to basics…
If we need parties to have a paradigm shift in their thinking during a mediation process, then how can we do this effectively if we don’t know what they are thinking and if they have not had the space to adequately refine their own thinking? We need to facilitate a party to follow their Thought-Flow-Track and continue their thought sequence so that they verbalise and process their thoughts and, if appropriate, their emotions.
I can only create a paradigm shift in a party’s thinking, if I know the thoughts that are in their head…
This article is about asking challenging questions in a safe way, and one of the ways to create safety in mediation is to really, really listen to a party so they feel ‘important and heard’. When this is achieved, you will have gained a ‘hearing’ and will be able to ask challenging questions safely.
Next Newsletter
Creating safety before posing a challenging question will be covered in the next #MediationQuickTip newsletter. I will briefly cover the importance of listening to the thoughts of a party and reflecting back what you hear while using the grammatical Passive Voice in a way that will create safety and trust before posing a question.
NOTE!
The 2nd Edition of ‘The Mediator’s Toolkit: Formulating and Asking Questions for Successful Outcomes’, published 10th June 2025 can be ordered on amazon.com or waterstones.com or on amazon.co.uk and other well known websites.
Next O’Sullivan Solutions online advanced mediation courses:
October 9, 10, 16, 17 – 2025
February 5, 6, 12, 13 – 2026
Time Schedule for all advanced mediation courses:
Irish Standard Time: / GMT: 1.30pm -5.30pm
Four half days – Live zoom course
advanced level mediator training
