Welcome to this ‘Mediation Quick Tips’ Newsletter Issue 14
Safe Challenging Questions – Signposting & Permission
Asking challenging questions, safely, entails putting parties at ease and supporting them to understand the process and how you work so they do not face any ‘surprises’ which might leave them feeling uncomfortable or, indeed, threatened. Patience and gentleness are key to this process.
The use of signposting and giving power to the parties to influence the process will support them to become more settled.
NOTE!
The 2nd Edition of ‘The Mediator’s Toolkit: Formulating and Asking Questions for Successful Outcomes’, published 10th June 2025 can be ordered on amazon.com or waterstones.com or on amazon.co.uk and other well known websites.
Next O’Sullivan Solutions online advanced mediation courses:
January 29, 30, February 5, 6 – 2026
Time Schedule for all advanced mediation courses:
Irish Standard Time: / GMT: 1.30pm -5.30pm
Four half days – Live zoom course
advanced level mediator training
1. Use Signposting Prior to Asking a Question
Parties coming to mediation for the first time may be worried about the process and procedures that will be used. Letting them know what is going to be done and how it is going to be done at various stages throughout the process will lessen their anxiety. This is called signposting, and doing it will reduce any feelings of threat the parties may have.
Example:
Mediator says:
‘First, I will start with Karen, and I will give her all the time she needs to speak. Then I will ask you the same question, John, and I will also give you whatever time you need to speak. Then I will ask you both…’
‘John, I need to stay with Karen for just a little time more, and then I will give you plenty of time to say all that you need to say…’
2. Ask Permission Prior to Asking a Difficult Question
Sometimes it may be appropriate to ask a party for permission before asking a difficult or sensitive question. This needs to be signposted.
Example:
Mediator says:
‘This may seem like a difficult question, and I am not sure how you might feel about responding to it. May I please have your permission to ask it, and then you can decide whether you wish to respond?’
If it is appropriate and does not appear too pushy or directive you can always have a discussion at a private or caucus meeting to explore a party’s hesitancies.
Next Newsletter
Imagine the difference it would make if, before asking a tough question, the other party truly feels heard. This creates a moment of mutual respect that opens the door for difficult discussions. Creating safety before posing a challenging question will be covered in the next #MediationQuickTip newsletter. I will write about listening to the thoughts of a party and reflecting back what you hear in a way that will first create safety and trust before posing a question.
NOTE!
The 2nd Edition of ‘The Mediator’s Toolkit: Formulating and Asking Questions for Successful Outcomes’, published 10th June 2025 can be ordered on amazon.com or waterstones.com or on amazon.co.uk and other well known websites.
Next O’Sullivan Solutions online advanced mediation courses:
January 29, 30, February 5, 6 – 2026
Time Schedule for all advanced mediation courses:
Irish Standard Time: / GMT: 1.30pm -5.30pm
Four half days – Live zoom course
advanced level mediator training
